HP customer service hell

At work, we have an HP plotter, and also an HP color Laser Jet. In the past, when the 5550DN went on the blink, I had to call them up and –even though it’s under a warranty they require someone to troubleshoot the device on the phone before they will send someone out. So, today, the Design Jet 1055cm plus dies. I have to call these people again which resulted in a huge pain in the ass and a waste of time. Before calling, I had already known it was the network card that failed, because I did my own troubleshooting. Knowing this, you would think that this call should take very quickly. I already know what the problem is, I just say yes, yes, yes, to the people when they ask me “have you tried … ?” Here is what went down:

11:25 - Call Start - using complicated voice-recognition automated system. Was advised that design jet support is online only. And to have a nice day. *click* Call ended.

11:29 - Call Start - tried to connect with a representative by hitting 0 repeatedly (about 8 times). Told to wait on hold while a representative would be made available.

11:34 – Finally connected to a representative. This one is from Costa Rica. He hears my problem, and then promptly places me on hold to transfer me to design jet team.

11:36 - On Hold.

11:41 - Connected with design jet team member -this one is from Canada (eh). He records our care pack number and info. Listens to my problem and also agrees that it is a network card issue. He places me on hold to start a conference call for network card specialist.

11:45 - On Hold.

11:58 - Now in conference call with Design jet team member (from Costa Rica) and network card specialist. Troubleshooting device at the insistence of the woman from Costa Rica – who seems to think I am some sort of idiot.

12:14 – Woman from Costa Rica determined that indeed the card was bad (as we had initially suspected). She begins to setup a case number. She can’t start one because she needs to enter the serial number of the old card. The man from Canada (eh) takes over and says he will order the card for me.

12:28 – The rep from Canada (eh) is ordering a new card. He tells me all the info etc etc etc.

12:39 - End of call. I can eat lunch YAY!

So, more than an hour wasted on the phone to get something I already knew was bad, bearing in mind, that a year of “care pack” service is $1,649. The man from Canada (eh) was extremely helpful and repeatedly apologized for placing me on hold. The personnel from Costa Rica however always seem to irk me, cause they constantly ask me “Have you tried … ?” That in combination with their very thick and heavy accents and the broken English make it extremely difficult to deal with them. I am not at all pleased.

The thing that pisses me off more, is we are supposed to have, included in this “care pack” service a tech to come out to fix problems. HP will not even send a tech out unless you sit on the phone for hours on end to troubleshoot with someone. (that is usually from Costa Rica who is hard to understand yadda yadda yadda) I can’t see why they can’t just let me call a number and get help. Here is how a call should go:

I call HP and say “Hey Joe, come on out we got a problem.”

And Joe says “Ok Chris, I’ll be there at 4 PM”.

Then I say “OK”.

Why? Why do they make people jump through hoops of fire in order to get some help and SERVICE that they PAID FOR? I am pissed and its not even my money that paid for it. (Its my work) but for fuck sake HP! Why not make it easier for us normal people?

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