Quick thoughts

I can report that I am feeling better - like 100 % better. I came to the realization that the harder you look for something the more you aren't going to find it. I need to just enjoy life and quit being so depressed that something is not going to happen. I mean, yes my ex wife is out right now with some dude. She is getting "dates" so much easier than me. And I am having a hard time of it.

But as frustrated as I am, I just have to trudge forward, and see what life can throw at me. I mean, the delusion of Love can really cloud your mind. And also - to the free-thinker like myself (i.e. non-theist) I have an analytical mind, and I think too much about things. I came to realize yesterday, that I should just shut off my brain for a bit and go with the flow. Yes meeting people is difficult. It sucks, and when you do meet someone you like - they're never on the same page as you :(

But alas, I will move forward now, without a clouded mind, blinded by love, or whatever I think is love.

So here's to the future.

Cheers

The bottom

The bottom can mean so many different things at any time. I have a steady job, a personal vehicle, I live in a single family house full time with my daughter  - who loves me. So I can't fairly say I have hit "the bottom" but if you were to say -strictly on an emotional scale -there is a bottom and I have seen it. I saw it last February when the beginning of the end was for my marriage. I crawled around the bottom like a pair of ragged claws, scuttling across the floors of silent seas. I have been crawling there since the divorce last year. My friends have truly elevated me - in these times. Last May,  I was dealt a severe blow and it was hard to recover from that, but I did.

Smash cut to the last two weeks. I am on top of the world. Nothing could bring me down. This weekend was the best weekend I have had in a very long time. Emotionally speaking, it was the top of Mt. Everest. I was with a very special person to me. We have shared everything.  She was the best thing thats happened to me since the divorce. I will just leave it at that because the details would be too much.

Then to go from that place to the bottom of the sea in such a short time span. It really hurts. I am confused and upset. REALLY upset. I know I have good things in my life now - my daughter, my stable employment, and my friends. But all I want to do now is crawl in to a ball and shut down.

I can't really type now, I just wanted to get something out there quick to record my thoughts currently.

Feeling just awful.